when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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