i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
