You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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