I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
