remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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