At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
