I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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