Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
