totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
