Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
