3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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