Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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