I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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