I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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