Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
