Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
