they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I lost the right to judge tonight
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
