you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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