I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
