Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
