did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
