You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
