Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
