i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I intend to get homeless drunk
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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