you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
