I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
