guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
