I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
