i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
