maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
