between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
