was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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