Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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