I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
