You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
