Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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