pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
