How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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