you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
