At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
