just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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