I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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