I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
