What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
