I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm jealous of your bromance
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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