there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
