dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
