Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
