Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
