who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
