Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Mom said you looked used
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
