he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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