Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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