When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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