I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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