I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
