It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
