he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
