im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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