Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
