I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
