Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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