Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
