I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
