he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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