Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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